Stone Age Boy Cave Scene

Date: 24th Mar 2016 @ 8:40am

Here is the picture from the cave scene of 'Stone Age Boy'. I think that we can write a paragraph about this scene that would be much more interesting. Remember our different sentence and write something that is going to blow my socks off!!!

 

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Joshua and Leon wrote:

As we walked through the damp ,pitch black cave, me and Om continued to look at the paintings on the walls. I felt like we were being watched. Then Om and I looked at the panting on the wall that we painted earlier. Just then, I saw a per of eyes. A per of green grass eyes. "ROAR!!". Out of the black, came a brown ferocious bear. It scared me like I was only a toddler. I got my tiny spear out. Would I survive? I thought. The bear had sharp claws ,beady eyes ,slobbery ,sharp teeth and a terrifying growl. I shouted to Om, "Run!". Because I was so scared, I froze like a piece of ice hanging on a sky scraper. Quickly, I dabbed my spear at the bear just in time before I fell into a 100 meter hole.

Amy and Aisha wrote:

We like your list sentence it was amazing

Felicity wrote:

Go through your writing to check it makes sense. Next time try and put more speech in your writing.

Tom wrote:

Try add an adjective for toddler and sky scraper

kai wrote:

well done for using extended noun phrase and a list sentence.

Erin wrote:

make sure your work makes sense great list sentences

Tom wrote:

why did you put roar in capital leters

Joshua G wrote:

Because it was a very load roar

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Dan wrote:

I went with Om to a cave and we saw all of the cave drawing and paintings. Om painted a picture of me on a cave wall like other people did to. Me and Om heard a terrifying, scary and creepy noise coming behind us. Om and I took a huge step back. We could see bright yellow eyes coming towards us we were really scared.
Suddenly out of nowhere a huge, brown, scary bear I couldn't believe my eyes. I told Om to run quickly before the bear would kill us! Me and the bear had a fight me v him Om hadn't listened to me Om stayed behind me. I told Om again'' run away so you don't get killed!'' I fell in between rocks and Om back into the future. It felt really strange when I went back to my normal world not the stone age. But now I'm back at home were there are no bears in England.Was it a dream or was it real?

marcus wrote:

Dan I love your full stops and commas to I like your adveres

Felicity wrote:

Next time don't do lots of list sentences

patrick wrote:

no speech marks Dan or ? marks

Harvey wrote:

Try to get a lot more fighting action in ther

joel wrote:

you forget to put a , between bright and yellow nice work

Erin wrote:

Great extended noun phrases try not to use to much list sentences

Ava wrote:

nice list sentence. I think you could of used a ! where it says suddenly. If you don't know where it is its by the one. Just click the up button by the send button. Then just press them together.

ciaran wrote:

I like you full stops too

Tom wrote:

good sentence tipes

Dan wrote:

I only used 2 list sentances

Joshua G wrote:

Make sure you check that your sentence that says We could see bright yellow eyes towards us we were really scared has a full stop after towards.

Dan wrote:

My list sentances were terrifying,scary and creepy. And huge brown scary bear

Dan wrote:

K

Dan wrote:

I've not put to many list sentance in

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Harvey wrote:

Then we entered the cave we seen all the art it was amazing I felt like something was watching us.
In the cave, I saw some eyes stare at us then a bear jumped out of the shadows I said "Get back you monster !"Om ran for her life the bear had scars ,scratches all over it.
Then it tried to jump on me but I dodged it then I got the spear and thrown it at the bear but I misted it then I fell down a hole I fell down and down.
Suddenly I was back home.

Cody wrote:

Harvey your sentence does not make sense to me the real way is Then we entered the cave , we saw all the amazing art.

Loen and Joshua G wrote:

I like the ending. I like the way you said amazing not good. You could of done a full stop at the Om ran for her life the bear had scars sentence. You could of made a list sentence for the bear instead of saying it at a sentence.

Felicity wrote:

Make sure it all makes sense. Try and put some extended noun phrases in.

Dan wrote:

Great battle scene

Erin wrote:

Try to put more extended noun phrases.

Erin wrote:

Check your work so it makes sense.

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Amy and Aisha wrote:

I walked into the cave being very worried. I had a look around only seeing Om. Suddenly , I heard a noise feeling like I was being watched. Then I seen some red , fierce eyes coming towards me . So I slowly walked out of the cave and I seen a big, fierce bear coming towards me as fast as a cheater. Quickly, I ran back in the cave hiding behind Om. But the bear followed me back in. I was screaming for help. "help, help, help, help, aaaaaahhhhhh!" But nobody heard us I asked Om, "What shall we do?". But she didn`t now. So I screamed again. But ,once again they didn`t hear us. So the bear came right up to my face. I felt like he was going to bite me. I shouted Om,
"Om!". But she didn`t hear me. So I was as frightend as ever.

Dan wrote:

you could of used list sentence and subordinate conjunctions

Mr Loftus wrote:

Dan, can you give an example for Amy and Aisha?

Felicity wrote:

In your sentences you've wrote seen to many times and it does not make sense.

Dan wrote:

Great simile

Dan wrote:

Then I seen a scary,red and fierce eyes coming towards me.

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marcus wrote:

When I went in to the cave I saw some mysterious, yellow eyes it was a bear! I got my spears, fire suddenly, I saw the bears crocdeiys skin nails and teeth
later that day, the bear went in to the deep, dark cave?

joe wrote:

I got my spear fire dosent make senc.

joe wrote:

I got my spear fire dosent make senc.

Cody wrote:

I like your mysteries yellow eyes but spear fires does not make sense

Felicity wrote:

I got my fire doesn't make sense.

Dan wrote:

Great fronted adverbial but don't put a load of list sentances

Joel wrote:

Try to include the art a bit better 😋

Erin wrote:

Check one of your sentences because it does 'nt make sense.

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Patrick wrote:

Om what is that ? I don't no boy" its a bear Om" I will fight with it" GO AWAY LEAVE US ALONE OR I WILL BURN YOU A LIVE!!!!!!!! said the boy Om and the boy managed to get the bear away and Om drew a picture of the boy come and see this boy? that's you do you like it? yes I do" it is nice?

amaar wrote:

Don't put to much exclamation marks.

Rhianna wrote:

amazing speech Patrick don't forget don't use capital letters for every sentence

OWEN wrote:

You need to use more sentence types like an extended noun phrase to make it more interesting.

Dan wrote:

don't use to many ! marks

Harvey wrote:

Great speech marks patrick

joshua mc wrote:

good worc I love it is a bit its abit scrod up

Alice wrote:

Great work Patrick but would you please add 1 extended noun phrase like and the managed to get the grizley horrible bear away.

joel wrote:

make the bear come and come in the scene like a looked left and right

joe wrote:

Don't keep putting captel letters every single time

Erin wrote:

Try not to use so many questions in your sentences Patrick.

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Cody wrote:

I heard a rumbling sound behind the rocks,Om was worried but I was brave I could hear a growl I thought it was a bear well I was rite I fort the bear it was strong and fierce but I was stronger with my spear and a rock I lit it and the bear was slowly backing off like a slow tortoise and coming back like a swift cheater .The bear was killed I stopped and thought for a minute and then the ground started to shatter I fell down and then I was back to my time .Because I went back ,I could not see Om anymore I asked myself was that a dream or was it.

Harvey wrote:

Great fighting skills and fantastic similes

Cody wrote:

Thank you Harvey :)

Lucas wrote:

great fighting skills

Cody wrote:

Thx

Matthew Jones wrote:

Cool it I very exiting

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joshua mc wrote:

Strangely I saw fierce eyes. But it was A bear it crept and crept to wards me! It fiercely looked in my eyes. But it chased me around the hole place!

Ava wrote:

Nice fronted adverbial.Try to do a bit more though.

Dan wrote:

You could of used similes, extended noun phrase, list sentence and fronted adverbials

Amy and Aisha wrote:

Maybe you could put a simile in like this. The bear chased us around as Hussain Bolt

Erin wrote:

You could of used a simile like a bear it crept and crept towards me like a giant was about to eat me

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Lewis wrote:

He heard loud , deadly footsteps above him. "Oh no!" said the boy." Oh no", said Om. There are two bright , yellow ,floating circles in front of him.

Tom wrote:

A good list sentence. A good exstended noun fhrase

Dan wrote:

Great list sentances but try and include the battle in but great work

Joshua G wrote:

Great work Lewis! Try and do more description about the story

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Lewis wrote:

He heard loud , deadly footsteps above him. "Oh no!" said the boy." Oh no", said Om. There are two bright , yellow ,floating circles in front of him.

Francesca wrote:

Who heard loud , deadly footsteps

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Erin wrote:

Suddenly I heard foot steps coming towards me then I heard a big " GROOWL!" It was a giant bear. I shouted at Om to run and turned to face the bear with my sharp, pointy spear. Because I was scared I didn't want to go up to the bear but I had to for Om . I felt like I was a brave warrior fighting against a army.

Dan wrote:

you've punctuated your speech very well

marcus wrote:

I love your punctuation and adverbs

joe wrote:

Why did you put capital letters for groowl

Joshua G and Leon wrote:

I like the end simile

Dan wrote:

Try and put a simile in

Erin wrote:

Joe I used capital letters because the bear was shouting.

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joe wrote:

Strangely I seen a cave. Nervously I walked to words it . We seen a cave."What is that on the cave walls.?"When I gon deep in the cave,then I seen some patings.Later that day, I seen lods of patings.But when I walked fever I seen tow eyes.I screamed!It was a brown beast it was a bear just then I fell down a hole

Dan wrote:

you could of used list sentence

rhianna wrote:

cool similie Joe

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owen wrote:

Later that day, I heard deadly footsteps coming towards me I looked right and left. Out of the dark roar! It was a deadly, fierce bear. The bear had brown eyes, fury skin and sharp teeth my friend ran why I faced the fierce bear with my spear. Because my friend didn't know what it was, she ran off saying,
" what is that?" My hands was as cold as a cube of ice in snow I was shivering. Suddenly, the bear was as fierce as an army of tigers so I backed off then the bear came closer right into my spear I stabbed him in the leg he went onto on the floor and we ran away quickly.

Dan wrote:

maybe you could of used a few more fronted adverbials

Amy and Aisha wrote:

We like your list sentence

joel wrote:

nice fronted adverbial well done

joshua mc wrote:

I love your work it is beautiful cari on with that worc

kai wrote:

I do not no who ran.

Cody wrote:

You have a marvels sentence opener Owen and I liked My hands was as cold as a cube of ice in snow and it is a simile.

marcus wrote:

well done for using speech and FD

Tom wrote:

Add an adjective for tigers or an exstended noun frase for it

Erin wrote:

Really good list sentences

Dan wrote:

You used a decent list sentence

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Felicity wrote:

In the cave me and Charlie heard a massive roar and out popped a brown, hungry bear. I looked for Charlie but he was running away I shouted," Where are you going? We need to kill this bear so he doesn't eat us!"

" There will be no point I can't even kill a bird!" Charlie lied.

" Yes you can I've saw you," I called whilst putting her spear in the bear's leg.

The hairy, grizzly bear yelled out in pain," Ggggggrrrrrrraaaaaaa!"

Erin wrote:

Nice question marks try to use a subordinating conjunction for a start of a sentence.

Lewis wrote:

Well done Felicity! You have made a great effort with your speech and I think that is the best you have done.

Amy and Aisha wrote:

We like the name you cave the boy.

Dan wrote:

don't use so many speech

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rhianna wrote:

Me and Om found this cave when we went through it felt that the animals where leaping a round " us we saw paint and stones what was left from the other cave people. while Om was drawing a picture I saw a glorious, brown, huge and fluffy furious bear

charlotte g wrote:

perfect similes!

Harvey wrote:

What a great list sentence Rhianna

Lucas wrote:

Great simile Rhianna

joe wrote:

No need for speech.No close speech.I love that list sentce at the botem.

patrick wrote:

you did good you mest up a bit but then you catch up and cracked on and made it amazing work rhianna good work

steven wrote:

why did you put speech marks in the middle of no were?.

Cody wrote:

Rhianna your sentence would be better if there was a full stop

Erin wrote:

Great similes.

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Joel wrote:

Om took me to a cave I heard foot step a had a filing that a was getting watched. I looked left and right and I could see a per of eyes in the distance and I heard a growl! it was a big ,brown bear. I fell back into a hole and when I woke up a had now.

OWEN wrote:

It was a brilliant extended noun phrase but it would be even better if there was more information and sentence types.

Leon and Joshua G wrote:

You could of done a simile at some point like the bear came out like a panther about to eat its prey or I fell back into a hole like a I got knocked out like a hard ,heavy stone.

Dan wrote:

you could of used more list sentance

Mr Loftus wrote:

Can you give me an example of a list sentence he could have used?

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ciaran wrote:

Suddenly we walked into a dark cave. We saw drawings on the wall and me and Om saw a fire. we saw like this pant to but then I saw some eyes Om thinks it was a cave man. But I think it was a animal suddenly it came closer and then we saw it was a bear! a dig ,strong bear I tried to fight it off " Om run ". The bear tuck us down,

charlotte g wrote:

check your work to make sure it makes sense.

Lucas wrote:

check your work make it make sense second sentence

charlotte wrote:

check your spelling you have spelt

Francesca wrote:

you missed the chance to have a extended noun phrase on the first sentence it could have had Suddenly we walked into a dark , gloomy cave.

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amaar wrote:

John once went into a cave and it had very good drawings. I saw to eyes. Those to eyes come closer. I frose like an ice cube liying on the floor. That bear come closer and closer. I got fire and waved it at the bear. And fell back to earth.

patrick wrote:

that's good Amaar but get more similes in and question marks good work" do you think he wod of been cold John?

patrick wrote:

that's good Amaar but get more similes in and question marks good work" do you think he wod of been cold John?

marcus wrote:

I love your full stops

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steven wrote:

Me and Om went in to a cave and we saw pictures then Om drawn a picture of me.Suddenly I saw too eyes then they came closer and closer I froze like a ice berg I told Om "what is it?" then it came out and it was fence,big bear "Om stay back!." I waved a torch at it suddenly the ground fell and I fell in magicali was hame

ciaran wrote:

I like your question and speech you missed the o out of home

steven wrote:

good work

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Charlotte G wrote:

I heard something in the distance and just then I saw some eyes peeping at me the eyes were a glowing green colour and the eyes were coming closer and closer. But just then I heard a GROWEL ! I said to Om," run as fast as you can". Just then the thing came closer and I saw the thing was a... bear! Quickly I ran as fast as I could all round the cave and just then I had an idea my idea was to get my spear and kill the bear and guess what I killed the bear in the cave!

Rhianna wrote:

great sentence type charlotte

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Tom wrote:

Strangely I heard noises in the shadows of the cave. I felt I was being watched I looked left and right there was nothing there .Om was drawing a cave painting. Two eyes emerged from the darkness. cautiously I walked to the eyes . Suddenly the eyes came at me ! I told Om to run and she didn't need telling twice. Even though I told om to run I didn't. I picked up my spear to face the bear... but then the grownd gave way. I fell dow a hole.

Cody wrote:

I really like your sentence because the bear... but then the ground gave way. I fell down a hole. but you misted some letters out.

ciaran wrote:

you have put a too meny full stops

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kai wrote:

Om and me was looking at cave drawings then I heard foot steps they were
getting louder and louder a bear! it was roaring like a lion I was fitting my best it was to hard because of its long, sharp claws. Quikly Om hide I told her to hide behind a rock. then I throwed a rock at the bear.

Francesca wrote:

it is threw not throwed

steven wrote:

great smiles kai.

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lucas wrote:

I heard something in the distance and just then I saw some glowing eyes they were as bright as L.E.D. lights. suddenly I saw the bear and GROWL! got my spear it was rock hard. Just then I fell down a hole and I was back.

Rhianna wrote:

great extended noun phrase

ciaran wrote:

you cud of put a exstendid noun phase after bear like I saw a strong, brown bear

steven wrote:

no need for L.E.D

Lucas wrote:

Great exteneded noun pharse

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Francesca wrote:

I was looking at the brilliant cave paintings with my friend Om when I suddenly felt like I was being watched then I saw a pair of eyes glancing at me. They came closer and closer until... out came a gigantic cave bear! I picked up my spear to defend my friend Om the cave bear gave out a ginormous , loud growl . Then started to stride over like the boss bear I suddenly made an aim and hit it in the eye it gave out a terrible cry before it hit the ground.

charlotte g wrote:

good sentence tipes but

charlotte g wrote:

try using some prepositions

Amy and Aisha wrote:

Maybe you could use, The gigantic,furious bear.

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hannah wrote:

Suddenly , the was a noise. It was a bear. He was a big , brown grizzly bear .
" run " I shouted to Om . The bear came closer he wanted to eat me and Om .He came closer again and again. Om picked up my and her spear she gave mine to me then we attacked . He growled at Om he went to attack her . She killed the bear .

" Well done " I said

patrick wrote:

good Hannah good speech and similes

Erin wrote:

Amazing extended noun phrases try to use a subordinating conjunctions next time

Amy and Aisha wrote:

We like your extended noun phrase at the start

maddison wrote:

well done Hannah I liked your extended noun phases and your fronted adverbials

well done good efort

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Maddison wrote:

In a dark, gloomy cave was two children. suddenly the boy heard big, loud foot steps they walked slowly one step and in the distance was two huge orange eyes
the boy froze like a ice cube in a freezer soon the orange eyes began to move closer towards them. Soon the boy moved and saw the big orange again but it was not just the orange eyes it was a........ BEAR the boy shouted to Om" run" they ran and ran and they were out of the cave.

patrick wrote:

that is just perfect speech good ? marks good full stops good Maddison is good

Francesca wrote:

I love your work although it is only three dots before the letter A.

stevn wrote:

good work maddison

Erin wrote:

Really good job Maddison amazing speech.

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Aaron And megan wrote:

Me and Om walked in a deep, dark cave. Amazingly there where cave paintings on the wall then I seen

Erin wrote:

Try to use a prepositions.

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Joel wrote:

I went to a cave with om,she was showing me some cave paintings, she painted one of me, but then we heard some foot steps,we looked left and right, it was a bear! I told om to hid behind the rock! I hit it with my spear, it GROWLED and fell to the ground.

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Joel wrote:

kAs Om and I walked into the cave it went darker and darker and we had to lite a torch.Just as we lit the torch we heard a loud roar and we saw a big brown bear.om and I we very scared and ran out of the cave but fell down a big hole into another cave but it wasn't a cave I had been dreaming and I fell out of my bed.

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Tom S wrote:

Me and Om walked into a dark , gloomy cave. In the cave was paintings of animals and hand prints that where so detailed. Om stopped to draw a painting of something. Suddenly there came a sound I kept hearing it. I saw two eyes emerge from the darkness. A growl came from a cave bear. It struck a claw at me. I dodged it just in time the bear struck again but this time at Om. I quickly pushed here out of the way. The claw hit me instead of Om. I had a scratch on my leg with blood coming from it. I told Om to run although I didn't run. bravely I picked up my spear and swung it at the bear. The spear went straight through the bears leg. The was a cloth on the floor but then... the ground cave way. I fell down to the forest I started at. I missed my friend Om.

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ciaran wrote:

me and Om walled into a dark ,rocky cave we saw drawing on the wall . We saw a fire as well but then every think started to shake. But then we saw a big, brown bear with sharp claws I did not no want to do but then the got so angry that I hat to try fight it of. But then he knock me out when woke up I was back at home my family did not see that I was gone .

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