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Ryan wrote:

The cute, little boy went to his granddad's house. He sat the boy on a big, cardboard box. The boy felt sad and bored, he looked up and spotted an old, dusty photo. He made a tall,wobbly stack of boxes and climbed up but he fell down and the photo fell down too. A red and white helmet rolled along the grass and crashed into granddad's lawn mower.

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Ryan wrote:

Granddad looked at the old, rusty trolley. He put the boy in it and they went into the dark, scary forest. Then they went over the hill and into the blue, wavy river. They sailed down the river and went over a giant, splashing waterfall. The boat turned into a plane and flew in the blue and white sky.

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Mr Loftus wrote:

These expanded noun phrases are absolutely brilliant. I am very impressed. I can't wait to read the rest of your description. Mrs Stout has told me that you have been remembering to put in the comma yourself. 2dp.

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Ryan wrote:

They jumped out of the plane and pulled the red and white parachute and they went to the ground. Suddenly a green, shooting laser came down to the swing and UFO's appeared. Granddad and the little boy got in a space ship and zoomed in a dark, starry space. They walked past a girl wearing pink and purple headphones.

Mr Loftus wrote:

I am so impressed with your adjective work. Do you think that you can remember to use an adverb in your writing?

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Ryan wrote:

Frightfully, a giant, scary UFO pointed a laser at Granddad and the little boy. Nervously, the little boy pointed his little, red laser gun at the UFO but really it was a water hose. Confused, dad got out of his car and looked at the red, rusty trolley and he remembered when he was little and playing on it with his dad. Excitedly, Granddad, dad and the little boy launched into the dark, starry space in their spaceship.

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Contact the School

Eccleston Lane Ends Primary

Albany Avenue
Eccleston Park
Prescot
Merseyside
L34 2QN

Main Contact: If you would like to contact us or you have any queries please telephone or email Mrs A Kennedy (Office Manager)

Tel: 01744 678 270
Fax: 01744 678 272
Laneends@sthelens.org.uk

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